Self Confidence Creates Power

 How do you build self-confidence or self esteem? How did Donald Trump, Peyton Manning or Bill Clinton build it? Do you share anything with them?

If you feel like you are battling with your own self-confidence, it is time to take a look at some of the most confident people of our time. Confidence and high self esteem made them the successful people they are today, without it; they wouldn’t have climbed corporate ladders or been leaders in very public positions. They would have lived ordinary lives and it would have been such a waste of great talent.

Think about some of the very successful people in this day and time. Donald Trump, Peyton Manning and Ex-President Clinton, just to name a few. What do these people have in common with one another? They sure aren’t a bunch of pessimistic-thinking individuals. They are confident, successful leaders and people that carry power.

Donald Trump

"The Donald" has more confidence or self esteem than the whole New York Jets team. He is larger than life and seems to find a way to stay that way. Even after past financial devastations, the man just keeps coming back. What is it about him that makes him so capable of doing this? He is confident, almost to the point of arrogant, the man is most definitely impressed with himself, and that’s OK because he earned the right. His confidence has taken him to the very top of the corporate world. Even before his show, The Apprentice, everyone knew who he was. It’s a name that means business…..Trump.

Peyton Manning

The Manning name may have gotten him his very first public coverage from ESPN when he first went to the University of Tennessee, but "Peyton" is the name that everyone will remember. He is the most confident NFL Football Player on the scene today, and why wouldn’t he be? Peyton Manning had a fire in his eyes this year as the season began, there was no question, this was going to be his year to shine. If you like to gamble on football, bet on Peyton’s Indianapolis Colts, this man is not going to let his team lose. It’s a sure thing.

Bill Clinton 

Ex-President Clinton was and is still so likeable, that you will hear people from all walks of life refer to him as BILL CLINTON. With the exception of the news media, everyone just feels compelled to refer to him as Bill. Maybe it was because of the way he confidently stood in the Presidency or perhaps it was the way he became more like the average man once scandal after scandal rocked The White House, but one thing is for certain this man is Confidence.

Now you might ask, "what do these people have in common with me"? The answer would be: quite a lot. They all came into this world the same way you did and they put their pants on the same way you do. They just learned the power of confidence relatively early in life and decided to do something positive with it. They have overcome adversity and many challenges, but they always rise above and stand taller than ever before.

If you are having problems with your level of confidence or self esteem, find what it is that is stopping you from achieving the self-confidence you need to be all that you were meant to be. Empower yourself with confidence by reading stories of people that define it and then take control of your life and own it.

Terje Brooks Ellingsen is a writer and internet publisher. He runs the website 1st-Self_Improvement.net.

Terje is a Sociologist who enjoys contributing to the personal growth and happiness of others. He tries to accomplish this by writing about self improvement issues from his own experience and knowledge. 

                                                        "Your Self-Confidence Will Rise

                                     Dramatically, Absolutely...

                                       Your Credo Will Now Be,

                                                'I Can Do It!' "

The human brain is thousands of times faster and more powerful than the most advanced computer. It's always learning.

                                                  And you have one.

You have amazing abilities and resilience built into you through many centuries of evolution. You can achieve remarkable things. You have the power to summon empowering emotions and success producing actions through the power of your mind.

But unless you believe it...

...Unless your underlying core beliefs are that you can indeed handle most any situation you are faced with; and unless your typical first thought in challenging, difficult or new situations is "I can do this," then you will live a life of fear, devastating failures, pain and losses you never heal from, embarrassment, depression, anxiety, senseless worry and lame excuses.

And worse, no matter how many successes you enjoy in your life (big or small), because you also have your share of less than successful experiences (mistakes, failures, setbacks, delays), you will feel 100% justified in your self-doubts, in feeling helpless in many situations and in worrying about what horrible tragedy will befall you next. So medication or alcohol to the rescue! You justify your "I can't" lack of self-confidence in one word...

"Reality."

But your self imposed limits are not "real."

They're just dreams... perceptions. Just pitiful ways of seeing yourself.

What else could it be - when others, seemingly, with a whole lot less innate intelligence, skills, looks and "common sense" than you beat you in everything.

Where does it come from when someone with fewer resources keeps picking themselves back up after dozens of terrible failures to finally succeed?

It's self-confidence. Belief. Faith. Trust.

Yet confidence, faith and certainty are nothing but emotions that come from a way of "looking at" a situation.

And so are doubts, insecurity and skepticism.

But where does doubt come from and how can it be overcome?

In our research comparing people who live with faith in themselves, with self-assurance and conviction and those who, in many areas of their lives, are beset with hesitation, fear, and feeling victimized by life, there was nothing whatsoever to indicate that people who have little self-confidence have far fewer abilities, intelligence, physical gifts or opportunities than those who enjoy even the very highest levels of success in many areas of life.

And they had no greater challenges and tragedies.

Yes, of course, there are cases of extreme beauty, opulent family wealth, extraordinary physical speed/strength, remarkable intelligence or innate social abilities that can give people what appear to most as self-confidence early in life.

But interestingly, we also found that in those "lucky" people, their built-in advantages did little or nothing in helping them succeed (peace of mind you feel in doing your best) in their lives. Quite often they have no greater self-confidence in areas outside the ones they got "lucky" in.

Yup. Many of the most beautiful people are the shyest; most people with the greatest "God-given" physical abilities never come close to fully utilizing them; many high-level geniuses end up working in menial jobs; many of those born to great wealth can't even survive on their own without Mommy and Daddy's support.

And history books are absolutely full of stories of the most impoverished individuals with few or no special gifts who have risen up to be some of the most happy, healthy and successful people ever.

What this means, we found, is that no matter what happens to you in life, good or bad, it's how you think about it which determines what you do about it, that in turn builds (or kills) your overall personal self-confidence.

And when you don't feel capable, you don't have accomplishment...

...no matter what advantages you were born with.

What you could have in abundance, though, is fear, frustration, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, panic attacks, anger, envy, dishonesty, excuses, feeling stupid and incessant worry.

"So how does a person become a 'glass half-empty' person, a negative person, a person who always finds fault, a person who always finds a reason why something won't work, a shy person, someone, a depressed person, a person filled with fear at the most inopportune times?"

Causes of Low Self Confidence

We are not born with low self confidence. The causes of low self confidence are many and complicated. The development of confidence begins in childhood. Parenting can adversely affect confidence or build it. Parenting is a very tricky thing - children don't come with instruction manuals and what works with one child does not work with another. If you suffer from low self confidence it will not help to blame your parents and continue to wallow in the mire of low self confidence. There are other factors involved, for instance:

Fear

Fear prevents you from taking positive action. Taking positive action is what builds confidence. Fear is a liar. 99.9% of what fear says will happen never does. Your confidence will grow or shrink in direct relationship to the way you deal with fear. Take a calculated risk and endeavour to accomplish something and the chances are you will succeed. That success will boost self confidence.

Guilt

In this world and in life in particular there are many occasions when we feel guilt. There are real guilt feelings that happen when we violate real absolute standards (stealing, assaulting, insulting, murdering, etc). There are also false guilt feelings that happen when someone 'should's' us. For instance when someone you love tells you that you should be doing something and if you don't you don't love them. This may make you feel guilty if you don't comply. This is false guilt.

If you have done something wrong the right thing to do is to make it right. Apologize and ask for forgiveness. You may or may not receive that forgiveness but if you've done everything in your power to make it right you've absolved yourself of guilt. If you've done nothing wrong but feel guilty anyway's realize that you are not perfect and that the expectations of others do not obligate you.

When you deal with real and false guilt feelings your low self confidence with become a think of the past.

Expectations

Unrealistic expectations of your own performance can lead to low self confidence. When you don't succeed at something the first time, or second time you try something and you conclude that you've failed - eventually you will conclude that you are a failure and your confidence levels will take a significant hit. You may need to get outside opinions and evaluations to determine what a realistic expectation for a give goal, or new skill, or project should be.

Self Confidence Story


One of our first clients had anxiety and self-confidence issues. Although a very intelligent person, he had trouble socializing. After he recovered, he asked us to publish a simple story he wrote that was indicative of his journey into self-exploration.





boy: Old man, I think I have a problem.

old man: Tell me, what is troubling you?

boy: When I am in a group of people, I feel uncomfortable. I hesitate to speak, I feel distant. The others do not give me much importance. This affects my mood very negatively and after a while I cannot participate at all.

old man: I see. Your self-confidence is not high yet. I can suggest some exercises. It is not easy, but if you persist, you are going to see results.



...six months later...



boy: Old man, it worked!

old man: Really? What happened?

boy: Now whenever I am amongst people, I can talk and participate without any problem. People pay attention to me. I did it!

old man: You really have improved very much.

boy: Now that I have acquired self-confidence, what else do I need to do?

old man: Keep doing the same exercises.

boy: But why? I don’t have this problem any more, I am cured.

old man: When you reach the level where you can be amongst people who will pay no attention to you and you can still be self confident, that is when you will be cured.

Confidence: As you may or may not know I was involved in a serious accident when I was younger. As a result of this I suffered from agoraphobia, this affected me from the age of about 8 tell I was 18. Starting around 16 I also suffered from some depression (this lasted on and off tell I was about 19), this depression or bipolar as it is more commonly referred to today, was related to my agoraphobia and the simple fact that my confidence and social abilities had been greatly effected due to my struggle with agoraphobia. It is only in the last couple of years that I have come to regain my social and self confidence.

These experiences have given me the need to think about the workings of the mind in order to work through my problems. I have probably thought about the workings of the mind to much at times, but most of it has been worth while. Due to the things that have happened to me, I know exactly what it is like to have low confidence / self esteem. Hopefully if someone else reads this who has low self esteem or difficult issues to over come it will be of some help and if not at the very least it will make an interesting read.

I remember when I first started Uni. I could be 'quiet' or 'shy' at times, as different people would tell me every now and again. At that time I had not told anyone that I had suffered from agoraphobia and overcome it. And was left with the social side effects of being shy / introverted. I would never talk about myself or some of my past experiences. Thinking about this now I can see how this contributed to my shyness. My unwillingness and/or ability to talk about myself created a certain insecurity in me. Like I was hiding something when I had absoltuelty nothing to hide. This is a mistake shy people make, part of human interaction is talking about ones self - this has nothing to do with being arrogant. Human beings generally talk about their lives and things they do, it is just natural.

Interestingly at the time I never saw myself as 'quite' or 'shy.' When I was with friends I knew really well, I wasn't quiet/shy at all, I could be the opposite! This due to the fact I had become comfortable in their presence. But sometimes in peoples presence that I knew and often in the presense of people I had only just met I would be shy. It sounds kind of weird writing this now and at the time not realising how I was acting, but people are not aware of some of the traits of their own character and I guess that was something I had not come to fully understand. - Nothing in life is so difficult as to see yourself as other people do.

Lack of confidence (thinking you suck at everything)

Anyone else litterally over examine every little thing you do and always think you messed whatever you're doing up? When I was young I started messing with computers and to this very day think I know less than average what others do. Yet if I look at it seriously, i've designed websites, i've programmed, I even "hacked" and found a lot of cool exploits in software. No, I never did any damage though. Yet if you ask me if I know a lot about computers, i'll say "nope".

I also play the guitar and have been playing for about four years. Yep you guessed it, I think I suck at it. The funny thing is, people compliment me on my playing and when I send aduio out online I usually get complimented on it. Whenever I get compliments I shrug them off and say to myself "ahh they are just saying that to be nice".

Now that i've started college i'm expirencing the same thing. For instance, I get an essay I have to write and I litterally think about it 24/7. I'll litterally work insanely hard on it and do my very best and then when I finally get it finished and proof read it I almost always come to the same conclusion, it sucks. Yet then I turn it in and get an A. Even then, I see the A and think "wow, that paper really sucked. How the hell did I get that A?!"

I never really noticed I did this until one day my mom says "you litterally stress over everything and always think everything you do sucks. give yourself a break for once!" It was cool of her to say that considering I never really noticed it before. The only problem is, now I know I do it and yet still continue to beat myself up regardless. Reminds me of that song, "my own worst enemy".

What Confidence Is (and Isn't)



*What Confidence Is.*

Traditionally, confidence is defined as "trust in" or "reliance upon". When you have self-confidence, you trust in, or rely upon, yourself. Possessing confidence in yourself means believing that you have the ability to become, achieve or acquire whatever you want.

Have you ever met a person whom you'd describe as "magnetic"? A magnetic person is someone who literally radiates confidence. They exude certainty, assurance and charisma. We are drawn to confident people because their belief in themselves is more attractive than perfect features or careful grooming. They instil in us a much- desired sense of security; a feeling that, no matter what happens, you can count on them to make decisions and take action in a manner that produces an acceptable outcome.

Whether a confident individual actually does (or doesn't) produce an "acceptable outcome" depends largely on the individual, the situation, and our rather subjective definition of what's "acceptable". The difference that confidence makes in this equation is that our perspective and memory of an experience is dramatically improved when we feel that "we're in good hands".

Confidence is magnetic, powerful and profound. It's the calm voice amidst chaos. It's the firm hand on your shoulder when you're lost in a crowd. It's what legends and leaders are made of.

*What Confidence Isn't.*

One of the biggest reasons why self-confidence is such a rare quality is because most people believe one or more of the following three common misconceptions to be true.

Misconception 1: Confidence is a by-product of exceptional knowledge, beauty, experience, or talent.

Confidence is NOT merely a by-product of exceptional knowledge, beauty, experience or talent. Confidence is about faith, trust, belief. How many times have you seen, known, or heard about the beautiful, talented, successful individual who is painfully or even self-destructively insecure? Despite their natural gifts, these individuals lack basic trust or belief in themselves.

I've known people who were stunning and insecure; brilliant and awkward; talented and paralyzed by stage-fright. And I've know people with crooked teeth, average intelligence and no sense of style to speak of who radiated charisma.

Brains, beauty and talent certainly can't hurt you – but self- confidence is not directly related to any of them.

Misconception 2: Confidence is not something you can learn or develop; you either have it or you don't.

If there is one thing humans are, it's infinitely adaptable. When I was a physical therapist, I worked with people who lost limbs or the ability to move or feel portions of their bodies and yet, with help and perseverance, they were able to learn new ways of moving and functioning. Despite the fact that they had done things one way (i.e. writing with their right hand) for decades, they were able to learn a new way of doing the same things (writing with their left- hand or in some cases, using their mouth) in a matter of weeks or months.

Self-confidence can be learned and developed. It's as simple as that.

Misconception 3: A person's level of confidence is directly tied to the amount of validation, praise, or recognition they receive.

While praise and validation certainly help people feel good about themselves, they are by nature transient, conditional things, and therefore not a reliable way to sustain one's self-confidence.

Confidence is about believing in something or someone in spite of the fact that you have no evidence this thing or person deserves belief. When you tell someone that you have confidence in them, you are saying, "I believe in you." Even if they have no prior record of accomplishing whatever it is you believe they can accomplish.

Think back to when you were a child, learning to ride a bike or hit a baseball for the very first time. Your parents told you that you could do it, and even though you might have been scared, you did. You had confidence in your ability to do something despite the fact that you'd never done it before. There was the chance that you'd fail; that your effort would not bear fruit; but you didn't focus on that. You had confidence in yourself.

Do you remember a time when you believed in yourself? When the words "I can't" simply weren't a part of your vocabulary? It's amazing how as children, we inherently believe in ourselves. We're willing to try just about anything; we think we're immortal! Whether we get praised or recognized for our efforts or not, we're willing to try something new.

The bottom line is, no amount of praise is going to build your self-confidence, because confidence comes from internal resources. Compliments, praise and recognition ring hollow unless you believe in yourself.

*The First Step to Building Self-Confidence.*

So the good news is that you can develop self-confidence; and you don't have to lose 20 pounds or get a makeover or become fluent in 3 languages to get started. But you do have to define what confidence means to you. What would your life be like if you had abundant self- confidence? How would you look, act, feel? How would others respond to you?

The first step in any process of change is identifying what the ideal state you're working toward is. After all, how can you get what you want if you don't quite know what that is?

Take a few minutes to really ponder these questions. Answer them in writing. Define your personal definition of confidence and use it as a starting point for developing a deep and lasting belief in yourself.

25 facts about confidence recharger

Mike Huber can easily teach all the following principles regarding self-confidence to anyone in a very simple and fun way...and in a very short time! Here some 25 facts about those who have the ultimate confidence to succeed. 1. Sports are 3 times as much fun when people know the keys to being confident! 2. Challenges can be overcome with more grace and ease when using confidence tools. 3. Student athletes who are confident in sports automatically carry that over to school work, social life, and family. 4. The average human is 50% or less confident about themselves. 5. People that are 70-90% confident are amongst the happiest and most successful people. 6. Only 3-10% of the world population are 90% or over. 7. You are usually as good as what you can wrap your mind around. 8. Clearing your mind to “nothingness” is one of the keys to filling it up with positive thoughts and visions. 9. Protecting yourself from other people’s thoughts about you is very important! 10. Understanding your own blocks and fears is the first key to overcoming them. 11. The healthier your mind is the healthier your body wants to be. 12. Mind, body, and soul connection is the reason why we are here! 13. Tuning into your positive thoughts and visions is a pattern that you want to get into! 14. Teaching you how to delete negative thoughts is a vital skill of life! 15. Becoming your own coach attracts confidence! 16. Learning the Art of Discernment helps people know what's right for them. 17. Decisions based on fear usually put you behind the 8 ball. 18. Negative experiences are actual motivational tools for growth! 19. "Getting into the zone" can be trained!* 20. Most athletes have experienced being in the zone, but only few can stay there! 21. Listening to voices that say "you’re not good enough" kicks you right out of the zone. 22. Teams that are trained to grow their confidence levels into the "zone" become unstoppable! 23. Athletes in a zone can change the whole complexion of a team! 24. Confidence training is the greatest lifelong learning one can partake in and remember for the rest of their lives! 25. Confidence is preparing to seize your opportunities!

confidence is creative man

Some possible

reasons for low confidence are:-

1) Past achievements have been belittled by someone of influence

2) A parent had low self-confidence and passed this way of being on

3) A mistake was made and the consequences (loss of job,

relationship, money, home) made them feel bad about

themselves

4) A repetitious bullying experience at home, school or place of work

5) Mental, physical or emotional bullying

6) Unhealthy psychological processing of events (always seeing the

negative side of everything)

7) Unrealistic goals that are never achieved

8) Living in the shadow of a parent, sibling, friend or colleague who

are consistently successful

9) Always being compared by a parent, sibling, friend or

colleague to another person

10) An experience of being a victim that has been accepted

permanently.

How do people who have high self-confidence keep it?
They do many things, consciously and unconsciously to keep their self-confidence in a healthy state. It is important to realise that although confident people may always appear that way, they too can also suffer doubts to their confidence.

A temporary period of low confidence can occur when some events do not go well for them. These could be:-

1) A personal relationship issue (separation, divorce etc)

2) Loss of a loved one through death

3) A demotion at work

4) Not getting that expected promotion at work

5) Loss of the home

6) A sudden shock (near fatal accident)

7) An illness

For many people, after the situation has become history and been dealt with, they will recover their self-confidence. In fact going through the experience of the troubling event can lead to stronger and resilient self confidence because they were able to handle it.

There is an expression which highlights this ...

"What doesn't kill us has the potential to make us stronger"

Is it possible for someone with low confidence to gain super self-confidence?
Absolutely, however a better aim would be for healthy self-confidence. You see that over-confidence may be just as bad as low confidence.

I am sure we have all met that person who says a lot but when it comes to delivery, they are generally unable to live up to their hype.

In fact an externally over-confident person may be someone who actually has low confidence. They just try and mask the low confidence by a display of over-confidence. You may recognise them as being that person who was the loudest in your peer group. They may have been the bragger who said they could do so much and yet there was little evidence to support this.

A confident person really does not need to prove anything to anyone, least of all themselves. They do their best. They aim to stretch themselves and are able to accept responsibility for success and failure.

Actually failure to a confident person is just feedback. It gives them more information enabling them to make a better decision

Another aspect to a person with healthy confidence is that they are themselves. They do not need to pretend to be something they are not. There is no need to brag or boast or talk-up their life. They are what you see and they can admit to being wrong.